These days its easy to make it appear as if we are always happy, confident, and certain we are moving in the right direction – most importantly always doing rad and fun things. Is this truly the case though? Through the movement of social media and the massive levels of content produced, it is easy to get lost within this diluted stream of apparent life. What about your gut, the nitty gritty? Do you pay attention to the sturdy wooden doors that lie deep within the damp corners of your soul – swaying open from time to time with nothing but the creaky sound of old rusty hinges that echo from shadows in a distant hallway?
Recently I have set aside my sense of presence – the indefinable awareness that resides deep within and connects everything on a molecular level – I have strayed away from consciousness. With growing fatigue and exhaustion over the past few weeks I have once again set aside this awareness and let my mind take over. Over the years my sense of exploration has led me down many roads. Some of these roads I can remember with confidence and clarity, while others have blown away like loose grain in the palm of my hands. Some of these roads go, and others don’t. Turn around they say, come home…to the now. I must listen, but not to the voices in my head, but to the vibrational frequency within each moment.
Do you ever feel overwhelmed by an immediate presence? Often times it arrives at a moments notice – it’s a feeling that has no comparison. It’s an understanding of complete oneness with your surroundings and the universe. The feeling can arise immediately in the form of a burning sensation that quickly moves to your eyes where a waterfall of emotion is cast out from your soul. It’s a feeling that can easily overwhelm you, because you can’t understand it, and you don’t know why it came upon you. All you know is that you can feel something so beautiful, so immeasurable that it takes the words right out of your mouth. It’s neither a feeling of fullness or emptiness, but it’s a feeling that I welcome wholeheartedly.
I would be lying if I said I experienced this feeling every moment of every day, or even every day, however it is something that I strive for. I believe that someday it is possible to experience that feeling each and every day…if not every moment. Maybe it’s a feeling in which you know how close you are to death that makes you feel so alive with every cell of your body, bringing you to tears without even knowing why. The first time I can remember feeling such a presence was in the spring of last year in Coyote Gulch near Escalante, Utah staring up at these stars in a magnificent desert canyon. Since then its occurrence has been more and more frequent. I guess the big difference lies within knowing my awareness has parted –which in turn will bring my sense of being back into the light of consciousness and once again conquer my mind.
The only question that remains must concern the present moment – Why not today?